Think the Covid vaccine is the answer? You may feel a little prick…

I WOULDN’T get your glad rags out just yet, if I were you.

Much as I hate to be a voice of gloom and misery — you know me — the idea that life will return to normal by spring, on account of this vaccine, is pie in the sky.

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Yes, the vaccine is great news. An enormous triumph for Pfizer to have produced it so quickly.

Better still, apparently the side-effects resemble a very bad hangover. So I won’t even know if I’ve had it.

There’s no information about what it will feel like if you ALREADY have a very bad hangover. Maybe they will cancel each other out. That would be great.

But that’s the point, in a way — there are still too many things we don’t know about this vaccine.

We’re told that it is 90 per cent effective, which sounds good. But that still means that for more than six million Brits the vaccine will be pretty useless.

And that’s a low estimate.

When chemical companies do their trials they tend to pick people who are young and healthy as their guinea pigs. This is what Pfizer has done. But we know that Covid is at its most lethal in the elderly.

And in people who have underlying medical conditions. At the moment we don’t know if the vaccine will work well for them.

More trials will follow — and the effectiveness rate will certainly reduce.

Experts reckon it will remain “well above” 50 per cent. But that’s not sounding quite as spectacular, is it?


Another question that hasn’t been answered is how long the vaccine will be effective for. This is crucial.

Right now, the experts reckon that people who have had Covid are protected by antibodies for at least three months. Not long, is it?

You might expect the vaccine to have a similar effect. And don’t forget this vaccine requires two injections, three weeks apart.

In which case we will be trying to convince the British population to have two nasty injections, with the side-effects that they bring.

For protection that will last only a few months and may in any case be not much more than 50 per cent effective.

Given that the effect of Covid on young healthy people is comparatively minor, why would they bother having the vaccine? Only to go through the whole process six months (or less) later?

This is the problem the Government must wrestle with. People like me, for example. I’m not one of those nutjob conspiracy dweebs who believes Covid was invented to create a New World Order and that the vaccine is the next stage in the plan. My mum-in-law is, but not me.

But my rule has always been — have a vaccine if the risks from contracting the illness are potentially grave and the possible side-effects of the vaccine itself statistically small.

So I would have one for measles, for example. But not chickenpox. This doesn’t make me an “anti-vaxxer”.

It just means I tend to weigh up the risks, so far as I understand them. I’ve never had a flu jab, for example. And I haven’t had flu for 40 years.

Persuading sufficient numbers to have this jab is a tough task. And it will take a long time.

As Churchill famously said — this is not the beginning of the end. But we might at least hope it is the end of the beginning.

Got any bog paper, human thing?

THE boffins at Nasa reckon they’ve discovered 300million habitable planets in the Milky Way.

Nice places with plenty of water. What are we waiting for? Can’t be any worse than down here, can it?

But just imagine if you got in your spaceship and travelled for a few light years across the galaxy.

Then touched down on Zeebrox X500 to be greeted by a purple-tentacled creature made of jelly and gas. AND WEARING A MASK ON ITS FACE.

“Please stay two metres distant, human thing. And by the way, did you bring any bog roll with you? It’s just that we’re completely out . . . ”

What a load of ballots

CONGRATULATIONS to the BBC for its fair and even-handed coverage of the US election.

This could be summarised by the headline “Man of Decency Beats Fat Fascist Pig”.

I don’t have much time for Trumpo, but for four years he has been treated by the BBC with a kind of bemused loathing. In contrast to the previous President – who the corporation seemed to believe could cure little sick children with just a flash of his smile.

Demented Trump may well have been, but it was not the BBC’s job to tell us that his claims of voter fraud were lies before they had even been examined.

I don’t know what goes on in America, but I have grave doubts about postal voting over here. It is open to fraud on a grand scale and that this has happened in the past is beyond doubt. The beneficiaries are always Labour.

How about this idea, then? Unless you are proven to be entirely infirm, you must vote by wandering down to the polling station like everybody else.

That would end any bickering, no?

Lovely people, aren’t they?

SPARE a thought for the Iranian Paralympic bodybuilder Reza Tabrizi, above.

Like most of us, he’s sick of the Covid restrictions. And he asked the question: “Why should Iran’s mosques remain open while the gyms stay closed?”

Seems a reasonable question to me.

He now faces the death penalty. Lovely people, aren’t they?

We'd be extinct

NOTHING quite beats the narcissism of the Extinction Rebellion tossers, does it?

Everything is about THEM. They tried to hijack the Day of Remembrance at the Cenotaph with their own pointless placards.

Can you imagine how we’d have coped during the war with those privileged, middle-class drips leading the fight against Hitler?

It really would have been all over by Christmas – Christmas 1939.

Sock sarnie anyone?

A VIDEO of a young American woman called Juliette has gone viral.

As we reported yesterday, she cooks steak for her fella in a toaster. I think that’s one of the most disgusting culinary practices I’ve heard of.

It’s on a par with eating fish and chips in bed and using your belly button to store the salt. (Not that I’ve ever done that, obvs).

Mind you, my wife did chuck out our toasted sandwich maker when she discovered I sometimes used it to dry out my wet socks.

Worked a treat, too – got them really crisp and warm.

All a bit pathetic

NO sooner has Joe Biden won the US election than we’re getting our knickers in a twist about the so-called “special relationship”.

Apparently, our US ambassador spent ages persuading Biden he had to ring Boris Johnson FIRST – before you call France! How clingy do we seem? It’s all a bit pathetic.

We may kid ourselves we have a special relationship.

But in truth the Americans will do exactly what they want, when they want and don’t give a monkey’s what we think.

BBC vipers off the scale

MY mate and colleague Jane Moore was dead right yesterday, as ever.

If it had been a tabloid newspaper accused of conning Princess Diana into an interview with forged documents, all hell would have broken loose.

But the BBC gets away scot free. I was working there when Martin Bashir’s interview with Diana was broadcast. But I was in radio.

We always believed that our TV colleagues had the morals of a pit viper and the IQs of an empty wardrobe.

Looking back, it seems this prejudice was bang on.

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