My hot work lover is pregnant but she isn't sure about who the father is

DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE been having hot sex with a woman from work and now she’s pregnant, but we both have partners already.

I’ve been with my current girlfriend for three years. We met at the gym. She is 26 and I’m 28. She’s a vlogger.

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Just lately she’s been going out with her mates more, trying to up her profile on social media. She seems less interested in me and more interested in taking selfies with other people. We don’t even have sex much these days as she’s always tired or hungover.

I’m a youth leader and we help teens with mental health issues. It’s challenging but rewarding. I was given a new colleague to mentor who’s 23 and very pretty.

We had to give a presentation about our work to a sixth-form college for their careers lesson. We did it online and she got in a real tangle with the technology.

She was clearly upset and I suggested we meet afterwards for a drink to talk. She told me she felt awful about the presentation and didn’t feel she could do the work. She started to cry.


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I told her it was rubbish and put my arm round her. She was upset so the social-distancing rules went out of my mind. I felt so attracted to her that I kissed her and she kissed me back.

We went back to my flat and my girlfriend was out for the evening. We kissed and we had sex in the lounge. I know it was wrong but I hadn’t done it in weeks. We started to see one another after that and had sex whenever we could. I just assumed she was on the Pill. 

She came into work last week looking terrible. She told me she’s pregnant and she doesn’t know who the father is — me or her boyfriend. I don’t know what to do.

DEIDRE SAYS: The big decisions around this pregnancy lie with your colleague, in fact.

Conception calculators could help her work out who is the father, and a health professional could advise her if she can remember when she had sex with whom. The only sure way to know, if she goes ahead with the pregnancy, is DNA testing when the baby arrives.

Best tell her you will support whatever decision she makes. Given that she’s been cheating on her boyfriend I guess their relationship isn’t great. Yours isn’t either – but can you see you and your colleague making a go of it together?

Talk all this over with her to help her look ahead realistically. My e-leaflet on Unplanned Pregnancy explains where you can both can find support.

In any event, it sounds as if your relationship with your girlfriend had run its course. Better end it than cheat – and risk transmitting the virus on top of everything else.

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