DEAR DEIDRE: I’M desperate to patch up things with my fiery cougar lover after I walked out on her and got another woman pregnant.
I’m 34 and my lover’s 51. We’ve been together for almost two years, but were arguing nearly all the time.
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She is so passionate but would fly off the handle whenever I disagreed with her, and I must admit I am pretty quick to see red too.
Things had become so bad between us we were sleeping in separate beds. After one particularly big fight I decided I’d had enough. I packed a bag and left, returning to my parent’s home.
I was feeling low one evening so contacted a couple of mates and headed to the pub where I met another woman.
She was stunning, 29, brunette with a figure to die for. We ended up going to her flat and had the most exciting sex I’d had in ages.
We met a couple more times and had sex each time. As great as the physical side was we didn’t have much to say to each other and it fizzled out. Throughout this time I was really missing my ex.
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I called her and asked if we could try again. She sounded pleased to hear from me and invited me round.
We ended up in bed and I realised how much I wanted her back. But a month after getting back with my ex the brunette got in touch to say she was pregnant – with my baby.
I was honest with my girlfriend but wish I’d kept quiet. Now she is unsure about us. A few weeks later the brunette said she had miscarried.
The age gap has never been an issue. Our problem has always been the fighting and now she is questioning if she can trust me.
I feel awful that I broke my girlfriend’s heart and have apologised repeatedly. I can’t live without her.
DEIDRE SAYS: You and your girlfriend clearly have a strong connection but if you are going to have a future you must sort out why you left.
You both have quick tempers and it’s likely your parents struggled to communicate calmly. In turn you have both developed the same habits.
By learning to talk about how behaviour makes you feel, rather than criticise your partner, you will be able to have calmer conversations.
Unless you resolve this, chances are it would break you up again.
Keep reassuring your girlfriend and you will get there.
I’m sending you my support packs Looking After Your Relationship and Managing Anger to help you.
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