CRAIG BROWN: Meghan, her truth and the path to President Markle

CRAIG BROWN: Meghan, her truth and the path to victory… Notes for A-Level in Political Studies 2051 – President Markle

HISTORICAL BACKGROUND

It’s a little-known fact that long before Meghan Markle rose to the Presidency she had once been married to an obscure member of the British Royal Family. Prince Harry is the younger brother of King William V, and currently 27th in line to the throne, just behind Princess Charlotte’s daughter, Lady Cuddles, her child with the son of Lord Sheeran of Framlingham.

This fun fact might be worth mentioning in your exam essay: it will demonstrate to the examiner that you have a wide grasp of even the most obscure details.

WHAT HAPPENED TO PRINCE HARRY?

For extra marks, it would be worth revising Prince Harry.

After the couple separated in 2028, citing ‘compassion overflow’, Prince Harry made numerous appearances on British television.

‘My hope is to continue my life of service. To me, it’s all about being real and authentic,’ he explained before his appearance as Squeaky Chicken in the 12th series of The Masked Singer in 2029, competing against Porky Pig (Nigel Farage) and Hot Dog (Harvey Weinstein).

It’s a little-known fact that long before Meghan Markle rose to the Presidency she had once been married to an obscure member of the British Royal Family

Later, he appeared in Celebrity Antiques Road Trip and Celebrity Bake Off, in which he came third, after his Plum Duff went flat. On Celebrity First Dates, he was unsuccessfully paired with Dame Katie Price, Provost of King’s College Cambridge. In 2031, he was dissuaded from appearing on Channel 4’s Celebrity Naked Attraction after an earlier appearance by his uncle, The Duke of York, designed to reinstate his reputation, was considered to have backfired.

EARLY PUBLICATIONS

Books written by Meghan Markle include her early works for children, The Bench (2021) and The Drench (2022) along with ventures into the fruitier field of adult fiction, The French (2023), The Clench (2024) and The Wench (2025), as well as an unsuccessful foray into cookery books, The Stench (2025).

KEY DATES ON HER PATH TO THE WHITE HOUSE

2027: In an emotional interview, Meghan Markle reveals how, back in 2020, Oprah Winfrey made her cry by not treating her chickens with proper respect, even though they had invited her into their living space.

‘Sadly, Oprah never once asked them about themselves, never once treated those little chickens with the dignity they deserved.’ She then hesitates and gulps, and tears come into her eyes. ‘You know, I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone this, but I even think I might have spotted Oprah licking her lips when she first set eyes on the smallest, tenderest chickens. It still hurts. But hopefully I will find the compassion in my heart to forgive her.’

After the couple separated in 2028, citing ‘compassion overflow’, Prince Harry made numerous appearances on British television

The following day, Oprah is obliged to resign in shame. Two days later, it is announced that her place as the nation’s top interviewer will be taken by Meghan Markle, who says she hopes to introduce more empathy into the interviews.

2037: Meghan Markle has established herself as the best-loved celebrity in the USA. She now has two children with her fourth husband, Barron Trump, who deals in compassionate real estate — Putting Buildings First is his company slogan. Her third marriage, to British Ambassador Piers Morgan, was only brief.

It is said that Barron’s mother, the former First Lady Melania, was the first person to suggest Meghan Markle runs for the U.S. Presidency. After the death of her husband, Melania was regularly photographed out clubbing with President Kim Jong-un of North Korea. She is currently married to Alexander Lukashenko, who is shortly to celebrate his 57th year as President of Belarus.

2042: Meghan Markle is elected 52nd President of the USA. In her inauguration speech, she vows to create a luxury lifestyle website with compassionate cut-price rates for the poor and the underprivileged. ‘Every single person in this great country of ours has the inalienable right to access Shine-Inducing Detangling Shampoo and Conditioner, as well as Turmeric and Kumquat Lip-Gloss. And in the 21st century, nobody —nobody — should be seen out without a Hermes Rose Gold Bag. This is not who we are.’

KEY AREAS FOR GENERAL REVISION

The examiner will expect a working knowledge of slogans that helped carry President Markle to the White House. In the Language Comprehension paper, expect questions on key slogans ‘So Much Compassion’, ‘Genuine Like Me’, ‘Thank You For Sharing’, ‘More Authentic Than You’, ‘Telling My Truth’ and ‘She Made Me Cry But I Forgive Her’.

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