DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE a webcam set up in my bedroom – not for doing naughty things but so that my boyfriend can check I am asleep when I say I am.
I know it sounds a little bit much, but I’ve cheated on him plenty of times and destroyed his trust, so this is the only way he can start believing in me again.
He has also banned me from social media – except for Snapchat, as I only have him and my family on there.
We have been together for seven years. I’m 27 and he’s 28.
I want us to move in together and get married even. But he hasn’t told his family about me. He says they are very religious and wouldn’t approve of me.
He mostly uses Snapchat to check what I’m wearing and that I am where I say I am. How can I reassure him I can be trusted?
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DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry to say it, but this man does not sound like marriage material. The way to rebuild trust is not through possessive and, frankly, obsessive behaviour.
You cheated and destroyed his trust but that doesn’t mean you should give up all your rights. Your boyfriend’s highly worrying behaviour is called coercive control and it is unlikely to get better as time goes on. My support pack on abusive partners is attached, which explains more.
You cheated because he isn’t able to commit to you. Be honest with yourself and ask if that has changed. For a fulfilling relationship and to be treated as you deserve, please consider ending this relationship and starting again. I’m sending you my support pack Moving On, which will help you.
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