James Jordan details really horrific time during first Fathers Day without dad

James Jordan gets head shaved by wife Ola on Loose Women

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James Jordan, 43, admitted he’s suffered with anxiety attacks since his dad Allan, died in March earlier this year. He passed away after a battle with a brain tumour at the age of 67 and the former Strictly Come Dancing star admitted his first Father’s Day this year without his father by his side was like a “double whammy”, as he also celebrated his first as a father himself.

I was suffering with anxiety massively

James Jordan

In a new interview, the dancer admitted he had no idea how hard grief would hit him while he found himself in limbo with the birth of his and wife Ola Jordan’s baby daughter Ella.

“Obviously we had Ella and that was a massive thing for us,” he began, “For anyone, to have your first child is a big deal.

“But within two weeks of her being born we went into lockdown, and at the same time, my dad got diagnosed with a brain tumour.

“It has been a really horrific time as there were mixed emotions.”

He described the time as “probably the darkest, and most horrible time of my life” as he wanted to enjoy the elation of having a new baby, but was constantly worrying about his dad’s health.

He went on: “Father’s Day is a double whammy for me. It is amazing for me with my daughter, but at the same time to remember my father is sad.

“My dad was my best mate, and I had never realised how powerful grief is.

“I didn’t realise what it would do to me, and what it would do to my body and how it would affect me, I’ve never suffered from it.

“But I understand that mental health is a massive thing, and I am a firm believer in supporting all of that.”

James explained that although the death of a loved one is a “horrible part of life”, it’s something that everyone has to get over and find a way to get through.

“I can’t spend the rest of my life making myself miserable,” he shrugged.

“This Father’s Day I am excited because I am going to spend the whole day with my little girl, but then, in my heart I am still upset because I am not with my dad.”

Ella was born on 27 February, just before Allan was diagnosed with a stage-four brain tumour.

“It has been a rollercoaster, the last two to three years has been emotional,” James confessed.

“But as my dad would say, ‘You’ve got to keep moving forward, you’ve got to be positive, you’ve got to enjoy every moment and live life to the fullest.'”

He continued: “When my dad was diagnosed, and passed I didn’t realise how much grief can affect you.

“I felt very weak, my eyesight was affected, I was waking up in the middle of the night thinking someone had broken into our house, I had a snooker cue by the bed, I was suffering with anxiety massively.

“I was just in a really bad place, I would usually class myself as quite a strong person, but it was out of my control, and I found that really difficult,” James told The Sun.

He admitted he was “going down a dark path” but credited Ola for “smacking” him out of it.

“And of course, it would be much worse if I didn’t have Ella. She is 100 per cent a Godsend because it all overlapped,” he smiled.

“She definitely made the whole thing easier, to go and see my dad and then come home to Ella, was medicine for me.”

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