David Eason: Ill Execute My Kids Pets If I Feel Like It!

There are bad dads, and then there’s David Eason, who seems to have devoted himself full-time to traumatizing his kids and stepchildren.

Maybe Swamp Rat Dave is in cahoots with a local psychiatrist, and they’re planning to split the proceeds when his offspring inevitably seek therapy.

But the far more likely explanation is that Eason is a temperamental man-baby with no control over his own emotions.

David’s failings as a parent and as a human being are far too numerous to list here.

So for the moment, we’ll just focus on his abuse of animals, which seems to frequently take place in front of his horrified children.

You’ve heard of killing two birds with one stone?

Well, David has figured out how to kill an innocent animal and mentally scar his children at the same time! Multi-tasking!

As you probably recall, David beat and killed his wife’s dog back in 2019.

After months of lying, he confessed to doing the deed, but only because he and his wife were (and still are) desperate to get back on TV so that they can continue avoiding actual work.

These days, it seems like the laziest parents in the Tar Heel State are finally coming to terms with the fact that their media careers are over.

That doesn’t mean that they’ve started applying for jobs, of course.

But it does mean that David has stopped offering up phony apologies as part of his ploy to hop back on the gravy train.

Earlier this week, he decided to remind everyone of his dog-killing ways by posting the above photo of his new pup posing with his daughter.

“If you can’t get in your dogs face and give him kisses you need a new dog,” Eason captioned the pic.

Now, David’s not the sharpest tool in the shed (though he’s undeniably a tool), but you would think after years of livng on a “farm,” he would know a thing or two about animal behavior.

It’s times like this we’re reminded that David and Jenelle’s property is a “farm” in name only, and in reality it’s a fetid swamp with a sinking house they can’t afford to fix.

Thankfully, commenters who actually understand the relationship between humans and animals were quick to roast him in the comments.

“Wrong. You need to teach your child to have boundaries,” one person wrote.

Now, David has the temper of a toddler with a full diaper, so it should come as no surprise that the comment caused him to throw one of his signature fits.

“I don’t have to respect any animals ‘boundaries’ in my own home,” he replied.

“Neither do my children, thanks for your opinion but you can shove it up yours.”

Yep. This dude fancies himself some sort of farmer, yet he literally has no idea of how to interact with animals.

We hope he has a better relationship with the critters that have no doubt built whole communities in that greasy-ass beard of his.

Fortunately, it’s only a matter of time before one of David’s countless run-ins with the law lands him behind bars, where the only animals he’ll be interacting with are the rats in his cell.

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