Amanda Holden bravely discusses son’s stillbirth and recalls ‘screaming’ after being told he had no heartbeat

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Amanda Holden has recalled the devastating moment she was told her son Theo had no heartbeat.

The 49 year old had a stillbirth in 2011 and opened up about the outstanding care she received from medical staff in the BBC documentary, Dear NHS Superstars.

Speaking about her experience over a video link, Amanda explained she remembered waking up one morning and realising she had not felt her baby kick.

She said: "I remember waking up and thinking I hadn't felt my baby kick for most of the night which was unusual because he was so active. I tried all the things they tell you to do, but he wasn't moving."

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The Britain's Got Talent judge explained she didn't panic, but thought it would be best to get checked out so she drove to Middlesex Hospital in London, where she was seen by one of her close pals Jackie, who is a midwife.

She recalled how Jackie couldn't hear her baby's heartbeat, so she stepped outside the room to call an obstetrician in.

Amanda, who is mum to daughters Alexa, 14, and eight year old Hollie, continued: "Luckily for us, an obstetrician was coming past and Jackie said to the obstetrician, 'Please can you go in, I can't hear the patient's baby's heartbeat,' and then I heard this guttural screaming.

"It was the most bizarre thing that's ever happened to me because it was me. I didn't know I was doing it. I had no control over myself, I thought it was another person making the noise.

"All these women were holding me, calming me down. I forgot entirely that I'd have to get the baby out and I'd have to give birth to our son."

The blonde beauty, who previously revealed she "died for 40 seconds" while giving birth to Hollie, said she felt she couldn't go through with a natural birth, so she opted for a C-section, which she said was "horrific".

"I opted to go for a C-section because I just did not think I could go through a natural labour. The C-section was beyond horrific because at the end a little baby who has nothing wrong with him apart from being asleep is going to come out.

"I kept saying, 'I can't hold a dead baby.' I was absolutely terrified. Just as the baby was going to come out my husband Chris had to leave the room, he couldn't bear it.

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"Jackie wrapped him up and I said, 'Jackie, I can't do it, I can't hold him.' Jackie said, 'He's absolutely gorgeous, you need to see him.'

"That's when I held him even though he was fast asleep. The one thing I remember is his perfectly formed eyebrows, which all my children have."

Tears came to Amanda's eyes as she recalled the moment and said she and her husband Chris Hughes were given "keepsakes" of Theo to remember him by.

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Amanda, who previously spoke about her loss, continued: "Theo was put into a little room so his body could be preserved and we could go and see him as much or as little as we wanted.

"Jackie talked to me about the keepsakes we could have, to remind ourselves of Theo forever. We got his footprints and a little bit of his hair and the blanket he was born in."

She ended her emotional speech by praising the NHS as she added: "I'll do anything for that hospital because that's where my son was born and that's where we were treated like family members, that's the best way to describe it."

If you have been affected by this story, support and advice can be found at Sands (Stillbirth and neonatal death charity) Helpline: 0808 164 3332

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